A New Perspective

A New Perspective

(Relationships and Self-worth) 

Have you ever felt like a square trying to fit in the slot designed for a circle? I have… Have you ever tried with all that’s in you to please someone only to always come up short? Ever wish you were like someone else or wondered if something was wrong with you because you don’t think or act like everyone else?

Now think about the flip side of that. Have you ever made someone else feel that way about themselves?

I have felt all of these things more times than I could count. It has totally affected my relationships especially my marriage. This got me thinking and doing a lot of self-searching and studying. I wanted to figure out what I could do to change these feelings we all have at one point or another. I searched many places but the place with the answers was the owner’s manual (also known as the Bible).

Psalms 139:14 NLT

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it.

Okay let me get straight to the point. After much bible study and prayer, I felt like God gave me a simple revelation. It just seemed to click. I am so excited to share this revelation with you.

When we meet a person we tend to automatically create a first impression of that person right? How many times have you created an idea about a person and been totally off? I have many times. What if I meet them and let them show me who they truly are? I also tend to meet someone and start thinking about what I can get from them. Okay now before you start judging me, let me explain. I’m not talking about money or stuff. I’m talking about things like close friendships. There have been many times I met girls and automatically thought wow they would make a great best friend! Other times I thought I can’t wait until we can hangout and go shopping for hours. Only to find out that person wasn’t looking for a best friend or hated shopping. More often than not my feelings would get hurt or I would just “dump” them and search for someone else to fit my “perfect person” mold. Possibly missing out on what they really had to offer or what God wanted me to be to them.

Proverbs 27:9 MSG 

God loves the pure-hearted and well spoken; good leaders also delight in their friendship.

You may still be confused so let me give you a more personal example. I started dating my husband in 2009 and we got married two years later. I was 27 years old and Justin was 29. We were both very unlike anyone the other had ever dated. Not in a bad way just very different choices then we had previously made. He was a Pastors kid and I came from a very broken family. We were worlds apart. I remember being so intimidated by him and his family because they were perfect in my eyes and well, I was far from that. I struggled for years trying to be a clean freak like my mother-in-law. I would even tie the toilet paper in a rose when she came over like she always did at her house. That sentence makes me laugh just thinking about it! I began focusing so much on trying to be just like my husband and his family that somewhere I lost myself. Little did I know my husband was also losing himself trying to be who he thought I wanted him to be. We began having disagreements that seemed to strengthen the wedge between us. Little things seemed bigger than they really were and big things felt like more than we could bear. This started my journey to find out how to work these issues out.

Proverbs 18:19

An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.

My grandparents came to mind when seeking clarity in my relationship. When it comes to seeking wisdom I go straight to papa. When it comes to encouragement I go to nanny. If I’m looking for someone to talk to for hours, I won’t go looking for my papa. I know their strengths and their weakness. I expect them to be themselves nothing more nothing less. It kind of works like that across the board with most of my family. If I want someone to make me laugh until I cry, I call my aunt. If I want someone to let me just vent/talk, I call my mom. I don’t expect nothing more from them than who they are. If I am like this with my family, why not see my husband from the same perspective? His strengths totally out weigh his weaknesses. My husband’s strengths are many but the enemy would rather me only see his few shortcomings’. It’s really rather silly if I stop and think about it.

1 John 2:11

But anyone who hates a fellow believer is still living and walking in darkness. Such a person does not know the way to go, having been blinded by the darkness.

 Ephesians 6:23 NLT

Peace be with you, dear brothers and sisters, and may God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you love with faithfulness.

 I asked myself what I wanted others to see in me? I wanted them to see and appreciate my God given talents. God has made me very different then most people I have been around. I turned that outward and started searching and focusing on Justin’s strengths and God given talents. I began to see that those talents that were nothing like mine were Gods gift to me as his wife. For example, he is a very confident person in a crowd so now I can use that to my advantage. He has a way of making tense situations light. He is very light hearted and I have a very black and white personality.

We are learning to work together to use his strengths in place of my weakness’ and my strengths in place of his weakness’. Iron sharpens iron. It doesn’t exactly feel good to get challenged especially from your husband but its necessary. We still have times we have to practice patience with each other. Please don’t think our relationship is perfect. We both have very strong personality’s. Honestly more often than not we have to agree to disagree or we would never get past some things. We both try our best with the help of the Holy Spirit to take a second to seek the blessing in disguise that is our differences. It’s hard to stay mad when I think about all my husband’s strengths and good qualities. I am blessed beyond measure!

Genesis 2:18-25 NLT

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.”

God wants us to love like he loves us, unconditional. He wants us to see the worth of each of his children. He is for us not against us. We must know as much as he is for us he is also for everyone of his children. I want to help my husband, my family and friends be all God created them to be. Its not my job to make the people around fit my mold, they are designed to fit Gods mold.

Matthew 5:23-24 MSG

“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.

I don’t know what relationship comes to mind when reading this blog? It may be a family member or members, it may be a friend you thought would be different, it may be that you can’t seem to see past your spouse’s faults, it may be that someone has expected You to be someone you’re not. Whatever the case may be take a second to ask God to allow you to see their gifts and talents. Ask God to allow others to see all your gifts and talents. I really believe relationships will be strengthened by seeing them as the blessings they were designed to be. I challenge you to attempt to see this post from the inside out perspective. How can you see the God given talents of those around you? Think of that person who gets on your last nerve, what are a few of their strengths? How can you encourage them to follow Gods design for their life? God has called us to change the world but he never asked us to do it alone. With the help of his Spirit and those who have talents we are lacking we can fill this dark world with the light of Jesus Christ. Love like Christ. Strive to be the bigger person even when its hard. Love those around you back to life. If one relationship can be saved or strengthen by this post it’ll be a prayer answered.

May the Lord bless you, keep you, and give you peace,

Melonie Howard